The following is from the official Wario Land 4 Japanese website. Not surprisingly, the U.S. website was very different from its’ Japanese counterpart. The U.S. website welcomes players to “Greedville” while the Japanese website utilizes crude humor. With the U.S. website, visitors could take a greed test (Link here). On the Japanese site, people can read Wario’s diary, and see questions that Wario ‘answered’. The direct link to this particular translation can be accessed here. The answers were published sometime soon after the release of Wario Land 4 in Japan (August 2001) as Wario references the end of summer vacation.
If you are interested in learning more about the differences between Japanese version of Wario and the Western Wario, then check out my post, Why Does Wario Fart? In particular, ‘Two Warios‘ section is required reading for this post.
Note: In Japanese, Wario always refers to himself as “Ore-sama”. Ore, is least formal of saying I. Sama is used as a ultra-polite suffix meant for other people. By combining the two, Wario is demanding other people to respect him. It comes off a little funny and arrogant. It’s nearly impossible to translate it directly. Wario has referred to himself in this way since the original Wario Land and in Wario Woods. Instead of leaving it in as “Ore-sama”, I tried to evoke the feeling that the answer gives in Japanese as “Ore-sama” wouldn’t have been left in if it was officially translated. A lot of the jokes are based on Japanese culture, and I did my best to try to explain the ones I understood. In the second part, they use “-sama” as a joke, so it will be included in that part as there’s just no way around it. Make sure to subscribe to Source Gaming on Twitter to stay updated when the next part comes out.
Bold text = question. Blue for boys, pink for girls.
Special thanks to Soma for helping out with the translation.
From: The Letter “Wa”, 15 year old boy.
Nice to meet you King Wario! Getting right to the point,what’s the deal with you and Mario? Please give us the details!
We don’t have any kind of connection with each other! Want me to give you the real deal?Ugh, that’s such a repulsive question from a 15 year old!
Well, we were actually childhood friends!!
Hey, remember that I answered your question! I want you to face the moon and say, “Thank you Wario! You’re our hero!!” ten times! You 15 year old boy!
From: HAL Nagoya, a 24 year old male.
Do you have plans to get married someday?
I have about 1 million female fans across the world!
If I get married, they’ll all cry!
So that’s why I’m not married! You got that?!
It’s not that I can’t! It’s that I won’t!!!!
From O, a 10 year old boy.
King Wario, how many centimeters is your mustache? Please tell us.
Oh? What a worthless question! But…I like these kinds of question!!
One half of my mustache is a terrifyingly vicious 13 cm!
The reminds me, I’ve heard there’s a rumor spreading among a certain group of fanatics that think my mustache is actually nose hair.
Well the truth is…a secret!!
From: takeuthiryu, an 11 year old boy.
How big is your poop [anyway]?
Hey! Didn’t I say to quit it with the dirty questions?!
But…since this is such a good question, I’ll answer it!
Last night, I devoured 10 plates of stir-fried liver and chives, 10 crêpes, 10 plates of rice curry…so my poop this morning was huge, with a very nice yellow color!
It was so big, that it almost reached the rim of the the toilet!
Do you understand?! The smell was a mixture of pickled vegetables, spoiled eggs and crucian carp sushi! If you want to smell it, try mixing those things!!
From: Uhoon, an 11 year old boy.
Is your stomach made up of muscles or is it fat?
Are you saying my amazing stomach is soft and flabby?
Well too bad, it’s all muscle! It’s like a sumo wrestler’s stomach!
By the way, my muscles are softer than normal people’s!! Do you understand?! Uhoon!
[TN]Uhoon could refer to the sound of clearing one’s throat in Japanese.
From Gario, a 9 year old boy.
What is the source of your amazing powers?
The source of my wonderful powers? Well, it’s…garlic!
Burping an hour after eating 20 cloves of raw garlic is an insatiable smell!
The combination of the smell of garlic and my stomach acid makes a superb pairing, a sour, smelly odor that is just amazing!
I wish I could give you guys a whiff myself!!
[TN]Gario is probably a play on Mario/Wario.
From: Drop dead, Mario!, a 12 year old boy.
Dear Genius Wario, is there anything besides Mario that you hate?
You did a good job of buttering me up! Your pen name is good, and you called me a genius. You’re a Wario fanboy, ain’tcha!?
As for the question at hand, I hate smart things, jerks that are stingy with their money, chocolate with peanuts in it, marrons glacés, peppers, jigsaw puzzles….I think that’s it.
If you are a true Wario fan, you’d better follow this list!
From: Guerilla Warfare, a 9 year old boy.
Question: If Mario and you were to fight, who would win?
Hey! What a rude question!! It doesn’t even deserve an answer!! Obviously it would be me!!
To make up for your sins, I want you to face the moon and pray while saying, “Thank you, Wario! You’re our hero!!” 100 times to cleanse your soul!!
From: Koka, a 14 year old girl
What are the lyrics to the ending song (of Wario Land 4)?
Huh~? Oh! It’s finally a question from a girl! Even though I’m so popular with women? Ah! I guess everyone else is too embarrassed to ask me questions!!
To answer your question, Nintendo made it without asking me so I don’t know! Well, I went ahead and asked them. I’m so kind to women!
Oh, the dream, that I had last night, melted into my pillow. I made peace with the time I had forgotten. And all I’d gathered turned into sand.*
Well, isn’t it such a romantic song! Great job Nintendo!!
From: Ko-yan, a 10 year old boy.
Hey, do you have a girlfriend~~~~!!!?
I have about 1 million fans that are women, they are all my girlfriends! Hey, I have a complaint! I’ve grown tired of answering these questions!! Hnnnn~! I kind of want to go poop. I’m gonna go take a dump for a bit, so you guys can go take a short break too!!
Make sure to subscribe to Source Gaming on Twitter to stay updated when the next part comes out. The next part includes snot and Morning Musume!