This is the second part of the Ask Wario series! The first part is here.
The following is from the official Wario Land 4 Japanese website. Not surprisingly, the U.S. website was very different from its’ Japanese counterpart. The U.S. website welcomes players to “Greedville” while the Japanese website utilizes crude humor. With the U.S. website, visitors could take a greed test (Link here). On the Japanese site, people can read Wario’s diary, and see questions that Wario ‘answered’. The direct link to this particular translation can be accessed here. The answers were published sometime soon after the release of Wario Land 4 in Japan (August 2001) as Wario references the end of summer vacation.
If you are interested in learning more about the differences between Japanese version of Wario and the Western Wario, then check out my post, Why Does Wario Fart? In particular, ‘Two Warios‘ section is required reading for this post.
Note: In Japanese, Wario always refers to himself as “Ore-sama”. Ore, is least formal of saying I. Sama is used as a ultra-polite suffix meant for other people. By combining the two, Wario is demanding other people to respect him. It comes off a little funny and arrogant. It’s nearly impossible to translate it directly. Wario has referred to himself in this way since the original Wario Land and in Wario Woods. Instead of leaving it in as “Ore-sama”, I tried to evoke the feeling that the answer gives in Japanese as “Ore-sama” wouldn’t have been left in if it was officially translated. A lot of the jokes are based on Japanese culture, and I did my best to try to explain the ones I understood. In the second part, they use “-sama” as a joke, so it will be included in that part as there’s just no way around it. Make sure to subscribe to Source Gaming on Twitter to stay updated when the next part comes out.
Bold text = question. Blue for boys, pink for girls.
Special thanks to SutaMen for helping out with the translation.
From: Jyun, an 11 year old boy.
King Wario, do you wash your clothes?
Oh~! Finally, a question where I can show how clean I am!
How about it~? I bet [the answer] will surprise you!! In the span of ten days, I wash [my clothes] one time!
I guess because I love being clean so much, you can say I’m a clean freak!!
From Sinya, 11 year old boy.
Wario, how many times do you pick your nose in a day? Why is your nose red?
Hey, you are being greedy!! You asked two questions!!
Fine, I’ll answer the first question!
Let me ask you this, how many times do you pick your nose?!
I pick my nose the same amount as you.
However…my boogers are huge and smelly! I’m very proud of them!!
Do you know about snot pistols? What? You don’t know??
Well, I’ll let you in [on the secret]!! Roll up your snot into a ball, placing it on your thumb. Then, aim for someone and fling it at them!! It feels amazing! Try it!!
From: Takomaru, a 14 year old boy.
Wario!! Who do you like in Morning Musume? Please tell us!!!!!
Hey, I don’t know anything about Morning Musume!! I also don’t know about Rika Ishikawa!! By the way, Rika Ishikawa is on my female fan list!! Maybe!![TN] Here’s a Google Image search of Ms. Ishikawa.
From Chiko, a 12 year old boy.
Wario, why are you invincible? Also, in your diary it sounds like you ate a lot, but why do you get fat after eating a single apple in your game? (lol)
Man, another greedy person~!
Let me answer the first one: Why am I invincible?
You don’t want to die, right? Well, I don’t want to die either!!
I’ll answer the second question for free!
Why do I get fat after [eating] one apple~! Look at the game very closely! At first glance, it looks like it’s only one apple, but in reality it’s actually 20! That’s why I get fat!! It’s Nintendo’s fault~!
It’s an elaborate trick~!!
They might as well have done 20 plates of stir-fried liver and chives!
From: Fugutaro, 8 year old boy.
What food do you like?
Well, I said my favorite foods before but it’s stir-fried liver and chives, crepes and rice curry! I like my rice curry extremely spicy!! After eating it extremely spicy, the next morning is spicy too!!
My mouth down below, in other words, my anus, stings! Try it for yourself Fugutaro!!
From: Youii, a 13 year old boy.
Wario: How many times do you poop in a day?
Hey! Another dirty question?!
I think everyone in the world is the same, but I always poop after I eat, so about 3 times a day!!
However, depending on the day, and how I feel it may vary. The reason why: the feeling of poop plopping down into the toilet after moaning is exhilarating!!!
From: Kyuuji, 12 year old boy.
I have wondered, ever since your debut, why is your hat yellow? I feel like a color that is closer to Mario would be better: such as deep red, or scarlet….I wanted to ask you, since you like yellow (I made up the story myself), you decided to make your own hat yellow. Since, I finally have the chance, please tell us! If you don’t answer, then I might start calling you Wario instead of Wario-san. (explodes [into laughter]). Anyways, good luck on your treasure hunting and weight training! Well, now I’m going to do some squats!! 1, 2, 3, 4….
Listen, my hat has been yellow since kindergarten!! Do you understand!! What is this?! You have only called me Wario-san up until now? I’m Wario-sama! Sama! As per your punishment you must called me Wario-sama-sama!!
By the way, what’s up with the (explodes)? Does that mean a fart exploded from your anus? You are a stinky one~! Try squeezing one out!!
From: Kyuuji, 15 year old boy.
What’s the maximum amount that you can bench press?
What the— Hey Hey! You didn’t add an honorific title to my name~!!
Your punishment is that you must call me Wario-sama-sama-sama!!
Benchpress, huh? Oh that’s right~!I can easily do 200 kg!
Recently, I did a piledriver on the Golden Diva, so you know it’s true!!
From Shou, a 10 year old boy.
Why does your face swell up so much when a bee stings you?
Throwing out the honorifics again? You need to call me Wario-sama-sama-sama-sama!!
Have you ever been stung by a bee? It hurts~!!
When you get stung by a bee it swells up and hurts…but actually, I have a bee allergy!!
That’s why right when I get stung my face swells up a ton!!
Huh~? Did you get my amazing pun!!
If you enjoyed it, don’t hold your laughter in!!
TN: The pun is pretty difficult to translate. He’s saying “right when I get stung” and “to burst” at the same time.
From: Denchikan, a 15 year old boy.
What kind of training should I do to become as amazing as you Wario?
You didn’t read “An Enjoyable Day in my Life”?
If you are a hardcore Wario [fan] you should read it carefully!! First, do 10 sets of 100 pushups-!!
Afterwards, eat a ton of stir-fried liver and chives and garlic!
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