May 22, 2022|

Filed under: Editorial

Dispatch from the Dive Chapter 20: “Pixar,” and other 5-Letter Terms Wordle Hates

I started Kingdom Hearts III last week! There were good things and bad things. The two new themes for the game by Hikaru Utada, “Face My Fears” and “Don’t Think Twice,” are both great—especially coming after so many entries where the only theme is “Simple and Clean” or maybe “Sanctuary.” The combat is cleaner than ever, but also kind of shallow. And while the writing is a bit less clunky in moments, the storytelling and general narrative thrust are arguably some of the worst of the series.

You know, I’ve got a week off. I think I’m gonna play at least a bit every day. This isn’t to say I’ll necessarily play a lot every day, but making consistent headway is gonna be nice.

May 15: Continued through Toy Box, completed the Verum Rex mini-game.

After my bout of existential shock from the last section, Toy Box has gotten much easier. I can even think of it in more traditional games critic terms! As I had gotten from my short time last week, it’s substantially better than Olympus, with a much greater sense of scale and, honestly, better music. The fun Toy Story music is great; it’s a good compliment to the other pieces we’ve heard. I made comparisons to Halloween Town last week, but it bears repeating: I don’t think it’s just my nostalgia that makes this level better. It’s simply better.

Like, the mechs? They’re fun. They’re still kinda shallow, and it might have been a mistake to coerce players into using one whenever possible, but fun all the same.

There are problems, of course, and I wouldn’t be doing my due diligence without mentioning them (I will have other compliments later, as a treat). For one thing, the scale is still a problem. Galaxy Toys is a big space for a tiny action figure to explore, and a lot of that space—most prominently the big, tiled walkways that connect its sections—is kinda empty. Outside of pretty interminable fights against the giant mech enemies, there’s not a ton to do or see, which is odd for a level that’s a giant toy store. The mechs are fun to use, but there needs to be more. And summoning Hercules’s Pegasus again and again doesn’t cut the mustard.

Another thing is that Buzz Lightyear is a buzzkill. He’s a standoffish jerk who keeps suspecting Sora for no real reason, is monotone compared to the rest of the cast, and does this primarily to manufacture drama. Random, artificial interpersonal conflict is a preferred tactic of the bad TV and superhero comics industries, but it’s one Kingdom Hearts has surprisingly avoided for the most part. Usually, it prefers to simply pit friends against each other by having one get possessed. Which, naturally, happens as well, as Buzz the buzzkill’s buzz is killed by Young Xehanort. Now Buzz is killing his friends, and that’s less of a buzz than you might think. It’s where I’m at; I stopped after starting the chase to get him back.

This nicely leads into my last main issue with Toy Box… well, it isn’t entirely with Toy Box. Truthfully, this is a problem virtually every Kingdom Hearts world has had to some extent but is getting worse now. The long and short of it is I don’t think this series is good at level pacing or signposting. You go into a level, but there’s never a good indication of how long it will last. In The Legend of Zelda, you have a map that fills in as you explore, and that shows your progression. In a 3D platformer, you can usually look to see the shape of the thing you’re climbing. More narratively-heavy games try to indicate good stopping points. But this series just… doesn’t really do that.

Like this world. You start in the bedroom, then the sidewalk, and then Galaxy Toys which serves as the main area. You lose your friends, so you systematically explore the store rescuing Rex, Hamm, and the aliens. That’s the premise. You’d expect the aliens to probably have the level’s final boss, and theirs would be a great ending challenge; you man the broken mech toys to shoot it down. But then, you have to get back to the entrance, and then rescue Rex again, and then rescue Buzz. It just keeps going, which is a helpful metaphor for this franchise’s storytelling but not good design. Had I known there was stuff after the Verum Rex segment—oh, right, there’s a part where Young Xehanort throws Sora into that fake Verum Rex video game and you fight an army of mechs—I’d have saved it for tomorrow, when I intend to finish the world.

This is still the dumbest, craziest thing.

I had noticed this obliquely in every preceding Kingdom Hearts game, but the problem has gotten impossible to ignore. Because it’s the size. The worlds of KH1 or 2 only took about thirty to forty minutes apiece. Birth by Sleep’s worlds were even shorter. A badly paced level could only be so obtrusive. But Olympus took about three hours, and Toy Box appears to hit that too. This affects environments whether they’re shockingly small (Twilight Town here, the World that Never was in KH2) or grossly big (End of the World), and “grossly big” is what we’re getting. I assume this is a byproduct of the development; it’s much harder to make HD assets, so it’s best to reuse them and get more bang for your buck. Or maybe it’s part of KH3’s plan to give fans the giant of a game they wanted. But I know from experience that it’s harder to carry a cane sword than a pen, and a bed frame than a sword. Size is a hard thing to handle.

However, I did promise compliments, and here they come. The whole conceit of sneaking around a toy shop is incredibly cool. Climbing through the ductwork like a spy is a brilliant idea that probably could’ve been explored even further. Everything’s so colorful. I love how the store is segmented into different kinds of toys and themes; I doubt the architecture’s at all “realistic,” but it’s great for orienteering. And I do think the acting of the Toy Story cast is much better than the stilted Kingdom Hearts standard. Haley’s still not great, I kinda think David Gallager’s Riku is worse than he was in Dream Drop Distance, Susan Egan was understandably very bored as Megara (even if this was far from her worst Disney role), but Wallace Shawn is kinda killing it! I firmly believe that Rex is so, painfully eager to play this dumb video game. It uplifts the procedings.

May 16: Completed Toy Box.

Wow, what a boss. You know, this may not be the first good Kingdom Hearts boss, but it’s the first memorable good Kingdom Hearts boss. All the boss fights I’ve liked in this series tended to go quick, with you and the villain just wailing on each other; they’re not really that distinct. But the King of Toys… that was great. Running from giant blocks, making use out of these new platforming moves, and Woody speaking for all Kingdom Hearts fans:

Of course the people’s hero and the king of Pixar is the first person in the entire series to just completely dismiss Xehanort completely. We (and by “we” I mean “I,” but I know I’m far from alone on this) have been sick of the old man’s s___ for a while, and him getting called out by someone as unimpeachable Woody is great. It is, admittedly, diluted by the cowboy’s successive, laughable speech in which he sounds like every other Kingdom Hearts character, but I’ll take it. I gotta take what I can when it comes to this evil conspiracy.

Initially, I planned to only play a little bit. I figured I had only a bit left, which wasn’t true! The Kid Korral, the indoor kids’ playground that houses the boss fight, is pretty meaty. There’s a new mechanic of psychically building blocks together to form a giant Cactuar you can use to get to the vent at the top, a big ball pit, and some innovative level design. It does admittedly still make the level even longer, but it’s at least new material and new ideas. Afterwards, I opened the way to get to Coronet for tomorrow, but I didn’t want to do any more. Keeping it relaxed.

However, I did have a long call with a friend late into the night, and befitting my usual standard of playing games while I chat, I jumped back in. I initially looked around the Toy Box and found a couple Mickey Emblems—one of which, an elongated pattern made out of leaves, was really brilliant, so kudos—but my interest quickly went to Gummi Space. I wanted to explore a bit, get some more cash, solve the other two of those weird gold sphere puzzles, but mostly I needed to get stronger. The initial Gummi Ship is very weak. And then, I did something I never in a million years expected: I built a custom Gummi Ship.

Not even just! The Attempt MK 1 was built alongside a custom drone [a second would be made tomorrow for additional support]. It’s a pretty great ship, packed with as much firepower and speed as I could add. Power and speed; that’s my style (also, I literally had no blocks for defense or special skills). It’s phenomenally easy to move about the very silly space sandbox now, with only a robotic insect boss in a sandstorm strong enough to fell me. I had so much trouble even figuring out how to lay a block down in Kingdom Hearts I, and while this is not a perfect system—especially when it comes to deleting blocks you’ve added—it is much more accessible.

Taken from my phone; I realize it’s less professional, but I genuinely have no idea how to export (or find) my PS4 photos and only slightly more time before this is due. This picture was from Saturday, so I’m at an even higher level.

After that, I lazily flew about from clutch of orange experience bulbs to clutch, stopping only to reposition myself or take a picture of a Final Fantasy-themed constellation. I’m now at about Level 38, meaning I can have two drones at once and more space to build faster, tougher ships. This has greatly improved the flying experience. Hanging out in Gummi Space isn’t a chore now, and I’ve suddenly become invested. Congrats, Tetsuya Nomura, you actually did it. Even if I do still think that it’s maybe a bit too substantial for a game that should really mostly be about Sora diving into these worlds.

May 17: Entered Kingdom of Corona, got up to the Marsh.

NOT the Kingdom of Coronet, as I’ve been assuming.

I mean, it’s got Sora’s crown and everything…

I’m exactly thirteen hours into KH3. Corona, the kingdom of Tangled and a mediocre beer inexplicably loved by Dominic Torreto, is a bright place. It’s a sprawling forest so verdant that I thought it was a jungle when I first saw the promotional screenshots.The level design’s not as good as the last world—I’m finding it easy to get lost, which is not good for an extremely linear section—but it’s quite better than Olympus. I’ve been repeatedly turning into a carousel that spouts terrible rhythm sections, though it’s far more fun to have Rapunzel, one of my new companions, throw Sora around like a flail.

It’s got the least interesting storytelling, by contrast, as the game’s early going is just a retelling of Tangled’s first act. Scummy thief Flynn Rider climbs a tower and finds its only denizen, the spunky Rapunzel. The young lady has never left the tower’s top floor, wields an enormous amount of hair almost psychically, and was the subject of Rocky & Bullwinkle’s “Fractured Fairy Tales” approximately eighty million times. She takes Flynn prisoner, confiscates his satchel of ill-gotten gains, and coerces him into escorting her to an array of paper lanterns that only come once a year. There’s a whole montage of her freaking out over her first time outside. I haven’t seen the movie, but I suspect the only major difference is Flynn mentioning his “sidekicks” Sora, Donald, and Goofy, who saved him from the Heartless at the start of the world.

I’ve talked about this previously in this series, but I’m really not a fan of this structure of simply recreating what the target audience has already seen. The Pirates of the Caribbean world in Kingdom Hearts II was just as egregious about this, too, and it’s fundamentally not satisfying. Don’t recreate stuff from another thing, but worse, and with the people we know being reduced to incidental roles. It’s definitely a big step over Port Royal by every worthwhile metric: animation, writing, acting, and characters. But it’s still not great to sideline Sora from the start; the kid needs to work with as much outside help as he can get to carry a story.

Thankfully, we do get some crossover in this crossover. Marluxia (the Organization XIII traitor from Chain of Memories and weirdest get for the bad guy team so far) hangs out for a bit with Mother Gothel (the villain of Tangled according to hours-long videos YouTube recommends to me about “twist” Disney villains that I never watch). It’s pretty vague so far, but the sight of boring old Organization XIII hanging out with more visually and narratively distinct antagonists will never stop being surreal.

More prominent, and better, is the role Sora eventually takes in Rapunzel’s first time outside. They splash each other with water, chat, and fight the Heartless. NOT the Nobodies Marluxia controls, as that dumb rule from KH2 that only special people can fight Nobodies is in effect. The characters’ dynamic is pretty good, though I’m nonplussed at how Rapunzel is being obviously set up as a new Princess of Heart. I know that’s coming, and that it’s meant to replace the classic Disney princesses with the ones from the newer, more marketable movies. But regardless of the artistic merits of that choice, it’s far less compelling than the tale of the headstrong princess, the thief who’s stuck with her, and three interlopers. That’s basically dumb Journey to the West, and there’s only so much anyone can do to screw up Journey to the West.

What interests me the most are the two voice actor guest stars (both of whom give quite strong performances) for what they reveal about Kingdom Hearts’s history. Flynn’s voice actor, Zachary Levi, supposedly took the movie job in the hopes that his character would end up in the games. Well, congrats, Zach! I’ll be honest, I was surprised to hear a performance from him that wasn’t just his Chuck / Shazam voice. Rapunzel, by contrast, is voiced by Kelsey Lansdowne, and while she’s very good, she’s also filling in for Mandy Moore. Kingdom Hearts has always tried to avoid recasting the movie actors, but KH3 has A-list celebrities to contend with, and Moore’s one of the most notable absences. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she’s already a Kingdom Hearts alumnus; she played Aerith in KH1, but not KH2.

I’m not sure how accurate the hearsay I’d heard was, that she was upset over being unceremoniously (and needlessly) recast and had the dignity to not return. Moore starred in Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure, so it’s not the Tom Hanks thing of not wanting to do spin-offs or merchandizing. It’s gossip, but maybe I want to throw some hot goss in here from time to time. More to the point, though, I think it’s fascinating that Kingdom Hearts is at a place when people can now take Disney animation roles with the knowledge that they may very well be offered to blandly reprise their roles for the sake of one video game director’s absurd vision. Or that it can have casting controversies with big stars. That’s pretty much as mainstream as you can get.

May 18: Completed Kingdom of Corona, accessed the second section of Gummi Space.

I hemmed and hawed about it, but I felt it was smart to push through Corona today. That way, I have three days to finish either Monstropolis or Arendelle—probably Monstropolis—thus tying a bow on the week instead of ending it mid-level. I was concerned about there being a bunch of post-level stuff, but it was nothing more than a couple scenes for plot developments.

This was pretty much a continuation of the last level’s theme: the recreation of the plot of Tangled. Our heroes meet a horse named Maximus who hates Flynn and is totally unimportant, because why would Sora do anything but dash from fight to fight? They eventually make their way to the city, where Rapunzel has a romantic evening with Flynn and discovers clues that she is actually the kingdom’s lost princess. She only realizes it back at home, discovering that Mother Gothel had abducted her as a child, got Flynn arrested for thievery, and has kept her all this time because of the healing powers of her hair—healing powers which went completely unmentioned other than a statement by Marluxia. Gothel even has a dramatic moment when she threatens that she’ll “be the bad guy now,” which is directly from the movie.

A romantic boat ride between Rapunzel and the unfortunate back of Flynn’s neck.

It’s got a great dramatic climax, too. After Eugene (Flynn’s real name that Rapunzel only learns offscreen) escapes his execution with no explanation, he rides back to the tower to find Rapunzel chained up and trying to escape dear mother. He comes in to rescue her and STAB! While ~~Flynn~~ Eugene is bloodlessly bleeding out, Rapunzel agrees to stay so long as she can save him… only for him to cut her hair off, causing Gothel to age wildly and, with the help of the pet lizard Pascal, fall to her death. But the healing magic is inside her all along, and Eugene jokes about preferring her darker, shorter hair. A perfectly romantic Disney ending.

It’s rather good; actually makes me want to watch Tangled. It only has one small problem, which is that not a single scene involves Sora in a significant capacity. Only a couple have him at all, and only on the side. His role involves A) learning from Marluxia that Rapunzel has a Pure Heart (and thus why he wants her to be imprisoned; she’s a backup), B) fighting Mother Gothel, who turns into a pretty dope but exceptionally silly arboreal boss, and C) dancing with Rupenzel. That one’s an absurd, inexplicable rhythm game that’s also adapting a scene from the film, I assume. Though I doubt the movie has barrel breakdancing. If you cut out everyone who didn’t debut in 2010, you wouldn’t lose a thing. That’s not good—again, much better than it’s been in other Kingdom Hearts worlds that did this, but still not good.

Less important but unique to Corona is how it papers over what could have maybe been the series’ most interesting guest party member: Eugene “Flynn Rider” Fitzherbert. Rapunzel’s a better character, but he could’ve fit the trope of the party member who is actively invested in ditching the party—and explicitly so, not that wishy-washy Jack Sparrow “maybe I will, maybe I won’t” crap. Someone who we know is bad, who Sora does not, but who could become good. I do feel a bit cheated that Buzz got possessed without being a boss fight, and setting up an intra-party conflict would be a nice concession. But no. Flynn’s time as a “handsome rogue” (his words) is dismissed almost instantly, as is the revelation that he stole the tiara meant for Rapunzel. He gets abducted and arrested offscreen; he escapes from being hanged offscreen. He’s perfectly fun, and is probably Kingdom Hearts’ best work with a Disney prince, but… I kinda wish the edges had been explored.

But at least Flynn is certainly charming. That’s more than I can say for Vexen (a.k.a. Even a.k.a. Vexen), the Organization XIII scientist most famous for his amazingly silly death…

…Who is the Real Organization XIII’s newest recruit. Xehanort’s got a real crack team here. There’s Saïx, of whom I remember nothing beyond his admittedly stylish blue locks. Xigbar, who is funny but may as well be a walking, talking phishing scam. Marluxia, who actively tried to usurp the Organization last time. And now Vexen, whose only skill of making replica people is admittedly useful now that their Toy Story expedition failed. And all of these are people from the first Organization XIII! Dude, you can’t make a conspiracy that’s just six you’s and whatever weird college friends you haven’t pushed away. Isn’t there at least one Disney villain out there? Jafar’s still alive.

But let’s be positive. Things have improved a bit on the gameplay front! While orienteering is still hard in Corona, it’s more justifiable when there are wide marshes and forests that are meant to confuse you. The small city is slight but fun, way more fun than Thebes. I still think it’s insane that all but one of these games is so reticent to give players full, easily accessible maps, but it hasn’t kept me from liking this place. The only main problem remains the size, unsurprisingly. Unlike Olympus and Toy Box (where everything was much larger than you and further away), the world is simply a set of normal-sized sections that just goes on for too long. You could definitely cut a couple of the rock-climbing or cave rooms and lose absolutely nothing more than an hour of inoffensive but very samey gameplay. But that’s a lesser problem for Kingdom Hearts, all things considered.

For whatever reason, I’ve been having a devil of a time figuring out how to do summons, certainly since Twilight Town. Maybe I’m not allowed to do it with a full party of five, since it was only on returning to Corona (where Rapunzel is permanently disabled as a party member now that she can no longer whip her hair back and forth) that I was able to summon Wreck-It Ralph. It was a disappointing end result, but at least I can do it. And on the note of trying to do disappointing things, where the hell is Pooh? We’re pretty deep into the game for the dedicated mini-game level to finally show up.

…Oh dear god; I’ve been spelling it “Repunzel” all this time.

May 19: Entered Mostropolis, completed the security laser hallway.

Okay, it isn’t that you can’t have five people out. This is quite confusing.

The slow, negative trajectory continues. Monstropolis, the spooky setting of Monsters, Inc., is definitely a downgrade from Toy Boy and Corona. It’s not boring in the way Olympus was, to be clear. I dig its general style—a banal factory that sends monsters out to hide in children’s closets—especially as a compliment to Toy Story. For Woody and Buzz, to be a toy is to preserve the child / toy relationship. It’s about exploring and delineating the ordinary and extraordinary world, and watching how each character takes part in this process is what gives the movie life. Being a toy is taking a role, like a kabuki actor whose entire career is playing one part in one play.

The employees of Monsters, Incorporated have a role, too, but it’s more of a job, and James “Sulley” Sullivan and Mike Wazowski are less artisans than cogs in a machine (despite Sulley being CEO, which I assume happens at the end of the movie). They’re the something under the bed that’s drooling; their occupation is making kids laugh by being the kinds of beasts we imagined as children. I always had a passive, distance interest in Monsters, Inc. for that attempt to mix the magical and the mundane, even if it turns out I had always gotten the premise wrong. For all of the not undeserved shellacking the Star Wars prequels got for forcing badly told internal politics into its badly told space drama, there’s always a value in the idea.

One of the other worlds that notably lost its big stars; Sulley and Mike are no longer John Goodman or Billy Crystal. I’m shocked they couldn’t get Crystal, who I’m pretty sure will do any gig.

Unfortunately, the actual level design so far takes that too far. The inner hallways are a bit too gray, too monotone. It’s one of the times I’d want a company to include some depressing stabs at personality. Just put in a plant every other room, at least, or one of those lifeless motivational posters that pretend your soulless executive is on your side. Or workers, honestly! There’s no characters here beyond Mike, Sulley, and their human child friend Boo, something that’s been true across the levels of this game. It makes the size of the spaces more noticeable, less lively, and worse at being places you want to save.

The characters fortunately perk things up, and not only Mike and Sulley. At where I am (probably about forty minutes in), the character who’s most appealing is actually Randall Boggs, the villain of the first film. He’s everything Organization XIII is not: fun, charming, grounded, visually interesting, and possessed with wants. He even adds a jolt of personality, taking over the factory’s intercom to taunt you like a true supervillain. My biggest complaint, other than wishing he had more screentime, is that he’s no longer voiced by Steve Buscemi. I’m sure he’ll be usurped by the token Organization conspirator soon—probably Terra-Xehanort, given the reintroduction of the Unversed, though wouldn’t it be so much more fun if it were Vanitas?—but he’s quite fun for now.

May 20: Continued through Monstropolis, reached the Vault Door.

And it looks like it is indeed Vanitas! At least, if that barely visible biker helmet of his is actually what’s under that hood. I don’t care that it makes even less sense than the other antagonists who’ve been brought back; he’s way more fun than most of the original bad guys. Remember how he looks like evil Sora for no reason other than because Ventus looks like Sora’s dark half?

Just look at this wonderful, A-class dink!

I’ve come to the conclusion that I really don’t like Monstropoolis, and I think I’ve realized why. It’s not only that it’s cramped and dull and linear; it’s that it’s an inadvertent throwback to the bad architecture of late Aughts gaming. Back then, HD game development had only just started in earnest, and studios were struggling to adapt. Some went all-in on things that required greater processing power (open worlds being a big one, though few rose above being cheaply iterative), but most had to compromise. Which is understandable. Working in HD is fundamentally far more extensive and difficult than what we used to call SD, and there wasn’t a blueprint for it, but you couldn’t not make the jump when players and critics were fetishizing graphical fidelity.

A common solution, then, was to make very closed levels with big, flashy backgrounds: alien skyboxes, extensive textures, and huge backgrounds you could see but never touch. These levels were functionally the same as any cramped corridor shooter; they just looked bigger. The illusion could be used well in games like Mass Effect 2, but it was still an illusion. And more often than not, it failed to disguise levels that were bad, boring, or unimaginative.

Kingdom Hearts III seems to be going through a similar challenge as the first major Kingdom Hearts game truly made for HD (I don’t think χ or A fragmentary passage count in quite the same way). It had a long and painful development, even switching engines midway through. So I get why it’d make levels like this or the worse Thebes, but it’s still frustrating. There are several outdoor sections where you’re fighting at the top of the building, surrounded by fires, and… it’s meaningless. The pretty background is a lie. I know that one of the game’s many invisible walls are going to stop me from exploring, and while I don’t begrudge them that, it only furthers how small and compact the factory is. The combat being flashier than ever doesn’t hide it, and the combat being shallower than it’s been in a long time doesn’t help.

While I was writing this, I was thinking to myself that this level design is par for the course with this series. I mean, it’s definitely the case for some levels (Deep Space in Birth by Sleep, for instance, though that lacks even the skyboxes). But I don’t think it’s the standard. Halloween Town, Agrabah, Symphony of Sorcery, and even lesser worlds like Pride Lands or Land of Dragons all managed to have more distinct level design. Hell, A fragmentary passage avoided it. So did Toy Box and Corona, so it’s not a problem affecting every KH3 level. But yeah, it’s definitely a big step down here.

As an aside, I’ve officially put in the order for Kingdom Hearts: Melody of Memory. We are finishing this one way or another. And I’ve now gotten the Simba summon, which is nice since Sora actually knows him.

May 21: Completed Monstropolis, entered and completed 100 Acre Wood.

IT WAS VANITAS! HOORAY! And Haley’s doing a hilarious “edgy” voice for him now! He also got the unequivocal best defeat of any original villain in any game in this series: Sulley friggin’ yeets him through a trans-dimensional door, he and Mike yeet that door through another door, and it goes on for like six more doors. These games always have Sora intrude on the story of the Disney movies to fight the bad guy, and him being the one getting help was a nice flip of the script. Gave a nice boost to this boring, boring world.

As a small side note, this level also did provide a counter to my complaint from earlier in the week, about the lack of signposting. It’s mostly worse in Monstropolis than ever, but there’s a cool, ominous slime trail right before the level’s final boss fight. Calling the area the “Door Vault” is arguably part of that, too, since you can’t go further into this level than the door vault. That’s worth noting.

Anyway, I finally found my way back to the 100 Acre Wood; it seems Merlin shows up after you beat either Monstropolis specifically or just the first world in this new star system. Probably the latter. I’m happy it’s back and yet, it’s kinda boring even by its own standard? I had intended to do only the first mini-game and save the rest for later, but there are only three, all variations on the same Puzzle Bobble clone (they’re fine variations, but c’mon). I guess Remy and the Bistro now have the task of being Kingdom Hearts’ crappy mini-game midway, so Pooh’s kind of an artifact of the plot. There’s a weird cliffhanger ending where Sora is worried because he’s been thinking about the honey bear less, but it’s hard to imagine anything coming of it. I mean, I beat all the mini-games, I saw the world’s title card twice; I even found all the Lucky Emblems.

It took a while for me to gel with the new art style, but I ended up liking it.

Due to technical difficulties, I ended up making the header on Thursday rather than Saturday, so I wouldn’t have been able to include any of the 100 Acre Wood characters in it. I feel kinda bad about it, even if the header’s a big stuffed as it is, but it also fits. The world means so little here, especially after KH2 put a bow on Sora and Pooh’s friendship.

Is it wrong to be… let down by 100 Acre Wood, consistently one of the worst parts of Kingdom Hearts? ‘Cause I do feel let down, and it’s a weird feeling. For all that the Winnie the Pooh stories and the Disney adaptations thereof are charming, their depictions in this crossover are uniformly obnoxious. The mini-games are inane. That no one but Sora can interact with them puts the onus on the boy, which almost never works. But even those at least felt like worlds, with stories. This iteration can’t even reach that. And it’s so weird that I’m actually disappointed by this, that I expected more from the joke world of this franchise. I guess that means I’m substituting for Eeyore this time around.

Final Thoughts: I had some concerns when I started Kingdom Hearts III, largely because of what I’d heard. Criticisms over the story, level design, and consistency were pretty common (I was a particular fan of how passive-aggressive the Super Smash Bros. Wiki was by mentioning that superlative reviews across the board just weren’t enough for The Fans). So was the mixed fan response. The game’s been out for years, and the Kingdom Hearts Wiki is still pretty dang lacking for images and descriptions of the characters who debuted in these four levels. Like, I know Hamm is still Hamm, the not super important John Ratzenberger toy, but he deserves a more thorough entry than this. This was borne out when I actually started the game, with Olympus and Twilight Town. I didn’t have high expectations for at least some of the worlds, and I think the plot is really bad, so I wasn’t sure how optimistic to be. Toy Box, however, did offer some sincere hope.

Thankfully, my hope wasn’t in vain, Toy Box turned into one of the series’ best worlds, and that kicked off one of my better weeks with this project. Perhaps it really is the inclusion of Pixar—the thing that distinguishes Kingdom Hearts III from its eleven predecessors the most—that makes this work? Part of what makes Toy Box good is the Toy Story of it all: old man Woody, the “normal meets abnormal” setting, and the way they percolate into the world. Sora’s relationships with its cast feels different than how these Disney worlds normally work, and that’s true with Monstropolis as well. Like, I really liked Rapunzel and Flynn, more than Mike and Sulley even, but functionally they interacted with Sora just like Aladdin or Ariel or Mulan did. But these Pixar worlds did feel different, a bit close to Halloween Town but still distinct. Perhaps that came from editorial demands; Pixar had a rule that the Toy Story level had to be a place they couldn’t (or wouldn’t) use as the setting of a sequel (which Nomura followed because he wouldn’t make Kingdom Hearts III without the IP). It’s set in a different location, both Pixar worlds are set after their movies instead of retelling them, and that leads to a tone that’s special.

You know, they probably only set Toy Box in a separate world to justify not having humans, which is dumb. That’s dumb. You don’t need to justify it.

I don’t want to say the bump is solely from adapting another arm of the Disney monolith (or that Kingdom Hearts needs to do that to stay fresh, because I cannot imagine how painfully boring Nomura’s takes on Marvel Comics, Star Wars, or The Simpsons would be). Corona wasn’t a perfect level, but it was very pleasant and strong enough to make me want to see the source material, Disney’s last “traditional” princess film. And “just” being Pixar isn’t enough, as we can see from Monstropolis: a boring level that needed more variety, energy, and members of the film’s beloved cast. The studio was strict about how each Monsters, Inc. character should look, presumably including Sora’s unique form, but that doesn’t seem to matter when you’re got barely any characters. The nameless hazmat suited monsters who replaced Regis Philbin and Drey Carey in that horrible Disneyland ride and are all voiced by Roger Craig Smith don’t count. Sorry, Roger. You’re still my favorite Sonic.

On that note, yeah. While this was still a really good week, it was still a downward slope. If Toy Box showed the mechanical possibilities of Kingdom Hearts III, Monstropolis shows it trading in some of the series’ old, worse ideas. For all that I’ve liked many of the new characters very much—even ones like Rapunzel or Randall who I barely knew existed—I don’t think they’re deployed amazingly well. And for all that this game is trying to be the Kingdom Hearts of the future, it’s very much plain old Kingdom Hearts. Organization XIII is a joyless slog, Sora lacks the strength to hold things together, and flash keeps getting picked over substance.

I’m more suspicious about next week. There’s Frozen, and then there’s the awful return of the Pirates universe. But we’ll handle it. And we’ll always have this week.

Overall progress: Entered and completed four worlds in Kingdom Hearts III.

Other games played: