October 1, 2016|

Filed under: Super Smash Bros. Series

Ask Wario: From Wario Land 4’s Japanese Website [Part 3]

The following is from the official Wario Land 4 Japanese website. Not surprisingly, the U.S. website was very different from its’ Japanese counterpart. The U.S. website welcomes players to “Greedville” while the Japanese website utilizes crude humor. With the U.S. website, visitors could take a greed test (Link here). On the Japanese site, people can read Wario’s diary, and see questions that Wario ‘answered’. The direct link to this particular translation can be accessed here. The answers were published sometime soon after the release of Wario Land 4 in Japan (August 2001) as Wario references the end of summer vacation.

If you are interested in learning more about the differences between Japanese version of Wario and the Western Wario, then check out my post, Why Does Wario Fart? In particular, ‘Two Warios‘ section is required reading for this post.

Note: In Japanese, Wario always refers to himself as “Ore-sama”. Ore, is least formal of saying I. Sama is used as a ultra-polite suffix meant for other people. By combining the two, Wario is demanding other people to respect him. It comes off a little funny and arrogant. It’s nearly impossible to translate it directly. Wario has referred to himself in this way since the original Wario Land and in Wario Woods. Instead of leaving it in as “Ore-sama”, I tried to evoke the feeling that the answer gives in Japanese as “Ore-sama” wouldn’t have been left in if it was officially translated. A lot of the jokes are based on Japanese culture, and I did my best to try to explain the ones I understood. In the second part, they use “-sama” as a joke, so it will be included in that part as there’s just no way around it. Make sure to subscribe to Source Gaming on Twitter to stay updated when the next part comes out.

Bold text = question. Blue for boys, pink for girls.

Special thanks to Soma and SutaMen for helping out with the translation.

From: S.K, 23 year old female.

Mr. Wario, you stated that you have your “own relaxing poop time” but when I go poop, my stomach hurts and relaxing is out of the question. What would you recommend to me so I can enjoy pooping?

I see you still haven’t mastered the art of pooping!

Do exactly what I’m about to tell you. First, close your eyes and focus your spirit on your butt!

Then, plant your legs, and squeeze one out while visualizing a shiny, well shaped, perfectly smooth, great smelling crap!!

How about it~? You relaxed, huh?

What? You couldn’t do it? I don’t know how to help you!

Put some effort into learning how to relax on your own!!

From SF289, a 14 year old boy

For us fans of Wario, what should we be doing every do to prove our fandom, King Wario?

If you’re a fan of me, come up with your own idea! I don’t know how to do those kinds of things! That’s what I was about to say, but I’ll let you in on a little secret. Listen carefully and practice it!!

Everyday after you poop, you must face Wario’s sacred hideout (in the direction of two days from now [TN]) and put your hands on your knee. Then say, “Thank you Great Wario. Thank you every day. I pooped a great poop today!” 10 times.
How about it? Can you do it? However..there’s one thing you need to be careful about! Do not, under any circumstances let your family members see it. You don’t want to leak out the location of my secret hideout!!

[TN]あさっての方向、or in the direction of two days from now is a phrase in Japanese that means to look in wrong direction.

From Alan, an 11-year old boy

Wario, when an enemy attacks you, your body ends up doing a lot of transformations. How does it feel?

You would understand if you’d been attacked by an enemy before, but you don’t seem as tough as me!

Well, it feels like you’re forcing yourself to walk while doing a handstand. In short, it’s not pleasant!

If you want to know, try walking while doing a handstand!!

However, there is one point to consider. If you start to feel sick, don’t vomit!! It’d be a shame to waste whatever you vomit!!

From Kousuke, 14 year old boy

If you ate a Super Mushroom, what would happen?

While I like matsutake mushrooms, I hate those poison-colored Super Mushrooms! One time, I ate 100 of them, and they really did a number on my stomach!

For the whole week after, red and white spots appeared on my body, and my crap also had red and white spots! I wonder, if I ate 100 more of them would I have turned into Toad?!!

[TN] The name コウス毛. Kousuke is a fairly common name, but instead of spelling it properly, they used the character for “fur” at the end.

From: Take, a 9 year old boy.

What do you do with all the treasure you collect? Have you saved a lot? Or do you use it recklessly?

How I use the treasure I collect is none of your concern! It’s none of your business! …that’s what I was about to say, but I’ll let you in a little secret. I use quite a bit! Most of it goes towards food! My Angel coefficient is pretty high.* hmm? Was that a bit too high level for you?!
*From Nintendo: He probably means Engel coefficient.

From Yocchi, a 5 year old boy.

Dear Wario, my son has been asking me questions while he plays Wario Land 4. I don’t know the answers, so please answer them for him!!

“What’s this person who looks like a professor do?” It’s the professor that can be thrown that appears after going into a pipe, where 1,000 diamonds can be collected. My son said, “Mom! Look! Look! The game did it again!” I quickly looked over. I’m sure he’s playing Wario Land 4. But I don’t fully understand what is going on. Please answer my question! I beg you!
From, Yocchi’s Mom

Hmm, I can really feel the strong bond you have for you son, so I’ll tell you! Umm. Umm. Dunno. I’m finished!

From Nintendo: After Wario said, “Dunno” we decided to ask Professor Shitain himself.

Oh! My name is Professor Shitain! I also appeared in Wario Land 3! So of course you know me well! What? You never heard of me? Well, listen carefully.

I came to this pyramid because I’m an archaeologist.
As you pointed out, I do show up in Wario Land 4 to play games from time to time. Sometimes, I need to take a break from my research. Forgive me. Actually, I do some other things during my breaks, but it’s not appropriate for young boys…so have your mother explain to you someday!

It’s not easy to say out loud…I looked at something for adults. Even though I looked behind me to make sure no one was looking, it seems someone found out. I guess I’m a man after all!

[TN] Professor Shitain is actually a reoccurring character. He appeared in Kaeru No Tame Ni Kane Wo Naru (See my review here). This connection was actually explicitly mentioned by Nintendo in the Wario Land 4 guidebook. Princess Shokora seems like the kind of name that would fit in that game too (As Shokora is chocolate in Japanese). I’d like to do more research in this topic.

From Wario3, a 14 year old boy.

Why do you see Mario as your rival? Please tell us–you are our hero, Wario.

You’re a fan of me, huh! It’ll be bad if you looked down on me!

From the very start, I didn’t care about Mario one bit!

That’s because I won from the beginning!

From Chuukara, a 12 year old boy

Which would you prefer, poop-flavored curry, or curry-flavored poop?

You guys really like the dirty jokes!! Though, I’m a big fan of them myself!

Hmmm…this is the ultimate choice!

Why don’t you make poop-flavored curry and curry-flavored poop, and figure it out yourself!!

If you know what poop tastes that, that means you’ve eaten poop, right?

Because if you’d never eaten it, you wouldn’t know what it tastes like!!

Also, how would you make curry flavored poop?

If you ate curry every day would your poop taste like curry?

That question is too big that I can’t answer!

It’s time to start your life’s work!!

Nakano Naohiro, 26 year old boy.

This is the first time I’ve seen you Wario. I would like to ask you a question. You always seem to be huffing around pretty lively, but are there times when you are feeling down? If there is such a time, what depresses you? Please let me know!

Well, this certainly turned into life counseling! I generally don’t get depressed! If I had to come up with an answer, it would be when I lose my money!

But if I have a good poop, I forget about all that!

Since you have enough time for a stupid question, you should start pooping too!!

It feels amazing!

From Motoki, a 14 year old boy.
Wario, what baseball team do you root for?

I like the Mariners, because they’re always the best! I like Sanro from the Mariners! What? I got the name wrong? It doesn’t matter if you understood me!

How was it? My answers were amazing! They’ll be useful life advice moving forward! Since you guys paid a high price for me to perform for you, I’ll give you an extra joke for free! You are filled with emotion! [TN] Hey! That was the joke! Did you get it?!! Bye now! Funga–!!
[TN] 感無量 — The 2nd and 3rd characters are pronounced the same way as “for free” (無料)